The Happily Ever After Collection
by TheLadyValura
Summary: Dragonlance meets Disney in a collection of humorous fairytales.
1. Beauty and the Mage

**The Happily Ever After Collection**

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonlance or Disney so don't sue.

Author's Note: In a certain mage's library an old dusty book containing some quite unusual fairytales was discovered. These are just a few of my favorites.

**Story One: Beauty and the Mage** (Takes place after the whole Abyss incident, except Raist still has magic and isn't be tortured eternally.)

Long ago, on a cold winter night an old woman in tattered old robes knocked on the door to the hideous, twisted tower. The master of the tower was a powerful Archmagus Raistlin Majere. With his gold skin, white hair, and hourglass eyes he was quite a fright to look at. Though he normally lived alone with his apprentice Dalamar, his brother Caramon and a few of his old companions were visiting the tower that day. His servant, I mean apprentice Dalamar answered the door.

"I'm sorry my Shalafi does not enjoy company." The handsome dark elf replied after the old hag asked for shelter. "Though I must admit... I am impressed that you made it through the grove." Just then shadowy figure in black velvety robes stepped out from the darkness.

"Who are you?" the man demanded in a rasping voice.

"I am just an old woman travel worn and seeking shelter. I have no money to offer, just this rose." The old hag said in a whispery voice.

Raistlin examined the rose. "A fine specimen." He said finally. "It's quite appreciated." And with that he promptly shut the door in the old woman's face taking the rose.

A moment later knocking could be heard again. Dalamar opened the door nervously as Raistlin watched impatiently from the corner. "By Lorac's eye its Lunitari." Dalamar gasped.

"What?" Raistlin said walking to the door.

"Raistlin Majere for your selfishness I Lunitari shall punish you." Lunitari said dramatically.

"What are you going to make me see everything as it is in death? Or wait maybe she'll make me incomprehensibly weak. Or better yet give me sickly, golden skin and white hair. Perhaps I'll even have to suffer with a cough that weakens me to death." He said sarcastically with a cynical smile.

Lunitari looked quite peeved. "No I am going to make you a hideous beast that no woman could ever love." Raistlin rose an eyebrow. "And if you can not make a woman fall in love with you before that rose dies you will as well." Raistlin laughed.

"Well on with the spell then." He said mockingly. As she whispered words of magic he saw his hands turn to massive paws with claws that were formidable to a dragon's. He grew in height in strength. After Lunitari disappeared he laughed. He cast a simple light spell to make sure he hadn't lost his magic and what he saw amused him beyond words.

"Shalafi you are a giant!" Dalamar said frightened. Suddenly sensing something was wrong Dalamar looked down at his hands after that he promptly fainted. Shaking his head Raistlin picked up the long sleek peppershaker and headed into the house. Upon entering the study where he had left his guests he got a hilarious surprise. His brother Caramon had been transformed into a book, Raistlin laughed at the irony of it. His wife Tika had been transformed into a frying pan. Over in the corner he heard his sister Kitaira who had became a boot laughing hysterically. Sitting in front of her was the previous death night Lord Soth, who had become a potted plant. At that moment a golden hairbrush and a box of Krynn's most trusted brand of condoms Trokan Extras, hopped down the stairs.

Tanis Half Elven exclaimed angrily, "I do NOT think this is funny Raistlin." His wife Laurana looked even more peeved.

"I told you we shouldn't have came here Tanis." She said upset.

Kitaira laughed even harder upon seeing Tanis, "This is too funny." She said red in the face...err...um toes laughing.

"Raist you have to reverse this spell." Caramon whined. "I keep giving myself paper cuts."

"No..." Raistlin said his voice a loud roar. "Now I can have what I always dreamed of. I am strong and powerful in body and magic now, no one can stop me! Well I will die if that stupid rose does..." he was struck with a brilliant idea.

An hour later. "I came immediately when you summoned for me Raistlin." The blind Crysania said. "Are you going to profess your undying love to me finally?" she said hopefully.

"Yes...yes...I love you Revered Daughter." Raistlin muttered.

"You don't sound like Raistlin?" Crysania said confused. She touched his hands, "My you have big furry paws Raistlin." She exclaimed.

"The better to umm...uh...do magic with." Raistlin said. "Oh yes I cast a spell that will help me with my magic, so my hands and voice changed."

"Oh..." Crysania said. "Well in that case okay." She kissed him and the rose began to glow and Lunitari appeared.

"No fair Raistlin1 She's blind for crying out loud." Lunitari said angrily.

"Blinded by her love for me." Raistlin said sarcastically. "Well now that the whole dying thing is out of the way, I'll see you guys later." He said to his companions who had transformed back to their original selves besides Lord Soth who was still in fact a potted plant.

"Raist where are you going?" Caramon said running after him.

"To go become an all powerful god...obviously." Raistlin said shaking his head at his brother's idiocy.

"Let me go with you please Raistlin." Caramon begged.

"We already did this it was called Legends, remember? You tried to kill me, the cleric tried to seduce me."

"Did not!" Crysania exclaimed.

"Whatever." Raistlin said. "I'm out of here."

After a moment of awkward silence Laurana asked, "How is it that he is still a beast?"

"Who the heck knows..." Dalamar muttered.

"Yeah." Tanis said, "None of these stories ever make sense."

"How about we play some scrabble." Tika suggested.

And the companions did play scrabble that night and they all lived happily ever after. Raistlin went on to become the god of Marjoram and bunnies, Caramon became the next president of the United States, and Tika was thrown into prison for assault with a frying pan. Kitaira starred on a reality television show where she mud wrestled other woman on a tropical island to see who would become the next apprentice. Tanis became the host of Krynn's Elf Maidens Gone Wild and Laurana was just as boring as usual. Dalamar waited for Raistlin to come home even though he never did, and some Krynnish children say if you listen really hard at night you can hear him crying out, "_Shalafi!_" Lord Soth went on to win several blue ribbons at the Haven County Fair for his impressive flowers and strong healthy leaves.

The End...or until next time


	2. The Princess Who Wanted to Be Human

The Happily Ever After Collection 

**Authors Note**: Hey thanks for all the awesome reviews. This story isn't quite as funny...I really just wanted to make fun of Laurana...so enjoy!

The Princess Who Wanted to Be Human 

Under the deep sheltering forest of Qualnesti lived a beautiful princess name Laurnathalasalafasabiwabi. But her friends called her Laurana...she didn't have many friends, mainly woodland animals such as rabbits and squirrels. Anyhow Laurana loved to watch the humans travel on the roads, rowdy and exciting. Their was one human, or should I say half human that she particularly loved to watch, Tanis Half- Elven. Unfortunately this whole flirtation incident got him pretty much kicked out of Elven lands, Laurana knew it was just because he didn't approve of humans. So many interesting human gadgets made their way into her hidden forest clove. Her best friends a rabbit named, Sebastony and a squirrel named Cheeker brought her these hidden treasures and together they marveled at their glory. Their was a bottle of strong ale, none of that wimpy wine for humans, an old smelly boot from either a soldier or a prostitute she had seen in a group with Tanis, and those were just a few of their marvelous riches. Sebastony was supposed to be her royal guard, however her father wasn't the brightest gem in the treasure chest and he didn't seem to realize a rabbit wasn't the best guard, but that didn't matter to her. In fact it made it easier for her to go see Tanis. Cheeker was terrified of getting in trouble and was terribly worried every time Laurana snuck off to watch Tanis and the others live the interesting human life.

One day a jealous elven man saw her watching Tanis and told her father.

"You will stay away from those terrible humans Laurnathalasalafasabiwabi!" he demanded angrily. Laurana ran away crying and hid in her clove. Sebastony and Cheeker were terribly worried when she didn't return to the palace for bed so they ran to the clove and what they saw gave them a terrible start. Their was their beautiful Princess wearing a strange walnut shaped necklace speaking to a scary man in black robes waving his arms frighteningly.

"Sing!" he demanded in a shrill insane voice. And Laurana did just that causing trees to wilt, Sebastony and Cheeker to cover their ears crying and the man in black robes screamed as if in supreme agony. "Ugh stop singing! Gods have mercy on my poor ears." The man said covering his pointed ears.

Laurana tried to exclaim that he was an elf and not a girl scout selling peppermint cookies who just wanted to hear her pretty voice when she realized her voice was gone.

"Oh no!" Sebastony said. "It is the evil dark elf wizard Dalamar and he has stolen our princesses voice. Then Cheeker shrieked.

"And made her ugly with rounded ears!" The little squirrel said in a panic. Laurana took out her looking glass and looked at her reflection, she wasn't ugly, she was human! She jumped up and down excitedly but now due to her clumsy form she broke several sticks and made a horribly loud raucous. Several elven scouts came running at the noise thinking it was ogres. When they saw the human they apprehended her for questioning. Unable to speak they assumed she was a mute. When she was brought up in front of elven court they declared her an imposter dressed as the Princess who had been kidnapped. Unable to defend herself Laurana was given the worst punishment known to all those who lived in Krynn, she was sent to Goodlund with no way to escape and entrusted to a kender family consisting of 45 chattery members. Dalamar escaped safely and used the Princesses voice in plot to frame Silvanesti for her murder and he lived happily ever after. No one ever heard from Princess Laurnathalasalafasabiwabi again and that was okay, because she was sort of annoying and no one really liked her. In fact it turns out their was no Cheeker or Sebastony, she was just a weird, obsessed freak...The end


End file.
